In Honor of Douglas Maynard Lowe

In Honor of Douglas Maynard Lowe

The following was the eulogy that I gave in honor of my father in-law, Doug Lowe, at St. Alban's Episcopal Church Tucson, Arizona on July 14, 2012:

The voice on the phone was concerned, direct and loving. I had been working every other weekend in Yuma and Doug was not happy. He stated that, “It’s not healthy for your marriage to be away all of that time.” He insisted that if it was about the money, he was glad to supplement what we needed.

His sincerity was striking and I knew then that I needed to quit that side job. In a lot of ways this care and compassion sums up Doug Lowe’s life.

His advice and support of me that first year of our marriage was integral to our marital success. Doug was in many ways a surrogate father to me. He was always full of loving guidance and genuine care for those he loved.

This is not to say that we didn’t have our disagreements. He and I shared a penchant for more than the occasional obstinate arguments. We would go head-to-head about things as mundane as the doneness of meat that he had just pulled from the grill, to the seriousness of the correct rearing of children. Even with our apparent clashes of wills, love always abided.

Doug was to many an alternate parent. He opened his home to those who were in need of love, direction and support. His leadership in the Boy Scouts, Youth Soccer, Youth Science Institute and Rugby was evident. He opened his heart to those in these distinct groups, but was always available to stragglers in this life who were looking for direction.  The Lowe house always stood as a bastion of warmth and solid ground for those who needed strength, whether they knew it or not, and Doug was the humble patriarch of this stronghold.

This is not to say that my father in-law did not have his human weaknesses. He loved a raunchy joke, that I was always glad to provide, and his passion for good food and other corporal delights might have been seen as hedonistic, but were actually Doug’s way of truly living.

When offering me some food or drink to sample, his eyes would light up as he would say, “See how you like this!” He was always excited to share his earthly pleasures with others…as long as you weren’t being a “pig” or “mining for the good stuff.”

Perhaps Doug’s love of all that life has to offer started when he was a child.

He was born in Oakland, California in 1940 and grew up with his younger sister Janet in Palo Alto. Stories were always told about how he and his cousins would spend many days playing at the family property in Walnut Creek. Their childhood innocence came through in these accounts. The beautiful California land and sampling of fruit from the orchards was always recounted. The tales were especially enthusiastic when they included Doug’s cousin Jim.

It is my understanding that these toe-headed boys were the family favorites, but also were notorious for having to cut their own switches.

All of these stories from Doug’s childhood have lead me to believe that he was a young connoisseur of all delightful things.

After graduating from Palo Alto High School, Doug attended San Jose State University and joined the Sigma Chi Fraternity where made life long friends. The stories of his frat boy exploits were just another example of his desire to live all aspects of his life to the fullest.

He eventually completed his college degree, much to his parent’s relief, after taking a hiatus to complete Peace Corp training in New Mexico

In true form Doug treated himself to a vacation in Mexico when he was done with his studies. On his return, he stopped through Tucson and it was there, through a chance encounter, he met the love of his life, Penny. They were married on Easter Sunday in 1966 and shortly there after Doug was deployed to Germany in service of the U.S. Army during the Vietnam War.

Penny and Doug started their married life in Germany and then moved to the Bay Area where they began their family. First Elliot and then Rob were added to their fold. Doug was an excellent father. He raised his sons to be solid men. Rob and Elliot are men of dignity and faithfulness in the face of any joy or adversity.

This is truly Doug Lowe’s legacy that I pray will influence the next generation of Lowes.

As his daughter in-law I reflect back on Doug’s life and remember a man who was the embodiment of a soul who wanted to imbibe in all of life’s gifts. He enjoyed his cars, horseback riding, fishing, traveling, music, good food and drink but most of all he loved his family and friends in the most true and essential way. I have hope that this love and goodness of spirit will carry on to my own children and to my nieces.

In conclusion I would like to offer a prayer by John O’Donohue for Doug and all of us who loved him:

“May you have a wonderful urgency to live your life to the full[est].

May you love compassionately and creatively and transfigure everything that is negative within you and about you.

When you come to die may it be after a long life.

May you be peaceful and happy and in the presence of those who really care for you.

May your going be sheltered and your welcome assured.

May your soul smile in the embrace of your [creator].”

Amen

Christmas 2011