Sh** Sandwich

Sh** Sandwich

I was recently at a fundraising event for a non-profit group that I am involved with and I started to talk with a friend who met me during my, “Lulu’s Cupcakes days.” She is in the food industry and she shared with me that she was no longer participating in one of her culinary pursuits. We both commiserated about how the food business is rough. I confessed that I was happy to be back in my professional career and to be actually making money instead of it draining out of every orifice of my existence. After the conversation, I felt a sense of calm and realized that I had finally digested one of my life’s shit sandwiches.

Urban Dictionary defines “shit sandwich” as a, “bad situation.” I would like to expand this definition. I believe the true meaning of a shit sandwich encompasses any condition or event that is negatively life altering in a seemingly permanent way. So, here is a non-exhaustive list: business failure, large financial loss, death of a loved one (especially when you or the deceased is young), chemical dependency (either you or someone close to you), abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), divorce, etc…

To further delineate, all people can be put into four broad categories: People who have yet to eat their shit sandwich (usually, but not always under the age of 35), people who are struggling to get the damn thing down, people who have been served at least one and have fully digested it, and those who deny they could ever be served a shit sandwich. This last group tends to walk around with their un-perceived shit sandwiches smeared all over their faces and they appear to have no fucking idea.

I will not address those who have not been served one yet. But rest assured they will not escape this life without at least a shit slider.

Variability in how people go about ingesting their culinary shit-show delight is wide. Some try to take the mucked up bun off to add condiments in the hope that it can be more tolerable to them; denying to oneself the gravity of the situation. Others, try to put it in a to-go box to hide it from others; “Things are great! I’m doing fine!” Still others try to choke it down fast like Kobayashi on Fourth of July. Unfortunately, the last group often ends up regurgitating and it turns into a real mess; “Well, he died three weeks ago. I should be fine, right?”

Those who have successfully digested at least one shit sandwich appear wise and are able to share their experiences in a way that is genuine and non-defensive. Emotions are regulated and projections of their problems are close to non-existent. Anger and blame are not assessed on the messenger of the bad news or the therapist they have sought treatment from or the person engaging in small talk at a cocktail party. They realize that their shit sandwich was not prepared by these people. They are whole human beings, at least for a short period of time, until the next course is served.

Now, on to those poor bastards who are painful to watch; those lost souls who wander through their lives appearing to have been pelted with shit but are totally unaware. They cling to material goods, people, relationships,  personally held beliefs or dogmas. At times they might appear as if they have started masticating the sandwich but then seemingly out of nowhere they unleash in a vengeful spew. This can be overt aggression or hidden toxically behind a benign persona. Cutting remarks and attempts to blame others flow readily from their existence. And the thing is, they are completely unaware and many of those who have to suffer being with them are unaware too.

Once I was venting frustration about this last group of people to a wise mentor (who I know has digested his fair share of shit sandwiches) and he told me, “It’s not about you. It’s those people’s own shit.” Yes, their own shit sandwich.

My conversation at the fundraiser assured me that at least my business failure/financial loss shit sandwich was digested.  I have gained perspective and at least some maturity through working bit-by-bit to consume it. Condiments and a to-go box helped along the way. I know that I still have other sandwiches waiting for me in the order-up window but for now I can say that I got through one.