Over the course of the last week I have been asked multiple
times what I am giving up for Lent. My unfaltering response is a blank stare
and an uttering of, “Um, uh, well”. I guess I could have given up a lot of
things. Wine, for example. Or I could have picked up extra volunteer
shifts. Instead, I chose something much
more obscure. My chosen Lenten practice is to stop fighting with God.
I don’t know the Bible very well, but it is my understanding
that there is a lot of fighting with God in the scriptures. How predictable of me.
God repeatedly giving me a divine invitation and time and again I angrily
refuse. My dysfunctional relationship with the divine has been manifesting
itself as a cage match in my prayer life. I have met my transcendent
experiences with harsh resistance. Fear has not allowed me to let God in.
I have a general concern that if I give up fighting with
God, that would mean I would have to say, “yes” to God and that would be scary.
This fear is partially rooted in my desire not to be associated with those who
take it upon themselves to use their Religion as either a badge or a
weapon. Unfortunately, this form of
religiosity has become the stereotype used to describe any person who is
devoted to God.
However, I am beginning to realize that it is better to surrender
and live out my spirituality openly in the way that I am being guided, despite
the possibility of being pigeonholed. For me this means to love of all of God’s creation, do my best to
make a positive impact in my community and to be ready to use my gifts and
blessings to help others.
Through my Lenten practice I am hoping that I am able to
find a center of calmness and spiritual strength to drop my fists and say,
“yes” to God.
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