Abundance #1

Abundance #1

Today was Easter, the end of Lent. In the Christian tradition this signifies resurrection of Jesus. I like to think of it as the symbolic marking of all of life’s rebirths. Since the beginning of the year I have been focused on a vision and with this vision is a word for the year and this word is, “abundance.” I have taken the time to draw out a vision board and process through this idea both physically and mentally. I am not going to pretend to know what this activity might hold for me going forward but I do know what I have seen in myself thus far and I am fairly certain that the concept of resurrection is very much in the forefront.

As I walked into church today a regular parishioner who I know somewhat well asked me how tall I am. I thought this question was interesting given the fact I usually only get asked when I am wearing heels and my height towers to 6’. “5-9” I answered. She wondered if I had to wear flats when I was married. Again, this questioning was off putting given that fact that I am by no means a newlywed. “Yes. I did wear flats,” answering as if I was citing from a history text. She dropped the questioning.

My height has been an intermittent point of both pride and frustration since high school. I was always slightly taller than the other girls, reaching 5’7” by my senior year. There were always the petite girls who would cheep, “The boys like me because I am little!” This was always off putting and confusing because the boys liked me too. By the time I got to college I had grown 2 inches and felt looming and difficult to miss. I was blessed with friends who equated my height to that of fashion models but when I look back through pictures I notice I slumped or threw a hip out to better match my contemporaries; in essence to make myself smaller.

When I started having babies, I was more concerned with what my body could do than how vertical my body stood. I gained pride in the fact that I could birth these strong, healthy souls. For more than a decade, my focus (in regard to my body) had been health and performance (as in, can I lift the filled Costco box from the cart to the trunk of my minivan). Then I began to notice a phenomenon. There is something that happens with middle-aged women. It is a kind of second adolescence. All of the sudden I have noticed an uptick in comments about bodies: short, tall, fat, slim, strong, flabby etc… And with this rekindling of concern regarding physical appearance, my height cannot be left alone.

My frustration with these comments is real but I believe they do not deserve the time to even address them. The same goes for any dialogue regarding human bodies unless there is concern for that person’s health (either too thin or too heavy).

So, here is the resurrection part: My word is abundance. My vision is abundance. My dead younger self tried to make herself smaller. My re-birthed abundant self will be tall and strong. Abundant in height and abundant in self-love. Just the way God designed me to be.