Buddha, Jesus and A Wise Woman

Buddha, Jesus and A Wise Woman

I have read a lot of articles on authenticity and living an authentic life.  It seems this is the soup de jour of self-help/self-realization writing. In general this is a helpful topic, getting people to think about who they really are and what direction they want their lives to go. I have thought a lot about authentic self and true self and wonder how many of us are actually ever able to fully live into who we are intended to be and if not fully how many of us are able to maybe on occasion moderately approach our authentic self.

A year ago I was preparing to walk the Wicklow Way in Ireland. I really didn’t know what to expect and I had only a mild inkling that the journey would somehow deeply impact me well beyond immediate weeks post return. What has been interesting is the way the pilgrimage continues to shape me daily. Walking in a group yet in many ways all alone has served as a jumping off point for me to really look at my life, myself and they way I interact in the world. I guess one could say it has helped me to assess my authentic self.

The thing I have discovered is that my authentic self is not who I wished I would find. I secretly hoped that I would be able to live harmoniously, wisely and spiritually. I pictured myself as perpetually centered being, allowing for all discomforts and irritations to roll off me. I imagined that I could be a wise woman who could give Buddha or Jesus a run for their money. Of course all of this is really impossible and a complete pipe dream.

To be fair to myself, I was simply buying into our societal and religious complexes that have sold lies about what a truly, “spiritual,” “religious,” or “Christian” person looks like. Jesus and all the Christian Saints have somehow been depicted as prudish church goers and the, “spiritual not religious” camps have created a conglomeration of various eastern religions that also lean to the side of pent up repression. I wonder how many people have embraced the secular only because religions and now spiritualties have not allowed for the full range of human expressions, the demons, the angels and everything in between.

In the year since my return from the pilgrimage I have tried to sort through what happened out there on the trail. I still struggle to make sense of the darkness that emerged alongside an experience that could be described as nothing but divine sweetness. How does this translate to my “real life?” How can I live into this space and still run my business, give Rob what he needs and get the kids to soccer? How do I let God do what God is going to do when I am bitching at the bank? Does it even matter?

My spiritual director says the divine and the profane are married. Perhaps this is where true authenticity starts.