After Pains: Some Initial Thoughts on Pilgrimage

After Pains: Some Initial Thoughts on Pilgrimage

Our second child was born with the help of an induced labor. I won’t go into the specifics of why I made the choice to use a Pitocin drip to get my labor started but at the time it seemed the most sensible thing to do. I arrived at the hospital on the scheduled day and went through the steps to get my contractions going. Although I was told induced labors were more painful than naturally occurring ones, I still chose to opt out of any pain relief offered. I made the decision to place myself in a situation I knew would be painful and a lot of work with the hope that I would come out the other side with a healthy baby and a sense of accomplishment.

As predicted based on my previous birth, the labor was fast and hard and when our son emerged and was placed on my belly, my only words were, “I wanna do that again!” I was euphoric and the sight of his strawberry red head only made my heart swell more. Then, the after pains started; a hurt I had never experienced before. I could barely breathe through the rhythmic clenching of my uterus. I was unable to sit up or talk. My whispered voice begged for something, anything to take away the ungodly pain. Relief came in the form a pill. I finally settled in with my baby.

In these days after returning from Ireland, I wonder when my relief from the after pains of immersing myself on a pilgrimage will come. I am drained physically and I feel my soul has been put through a grater. Rawness, exhaustion and euphoria mixed. What a strange combination!

Twelve years ago I chose to be placed in a painful yet transformative situation. Pilgrimage seems to be that too. Sorting out the transformation will take time but I think the pain is part of it just as it is when any new life emerges. No pill can take away these after pains but I pray I will soon find myself uttering, “I wanna do that again.”