In Honor of Douglas Maynard Lowe
The following was the eulogy that I gave in honor of my father in-law, Doug Lowe, at St. Alban's Episcopal Church Tucson, Arizona on July 14, 2012:
The voice on the phone was
concerned, direct and loving. I had been working every other weekend in Yuma
and Doug was not happy. He stated that, “It’s not healthy for your marriage to be away all of that time.” He
insisted that if it was about the money, he was glad to supplement what we
needed.
His sincerity was striking
and I knew then that I needed to quit
that side job. In a lot of ways this care and compassion sums up Doug Lowe’s
life.
His advice and support of me
that first year of our marriage was integral to our marital success. Doug was
in many ways a surrogate father to me. He was always full of loving guidance
and genuine care for those he loved.
This is not to say that we
didn’t have our disagreements. He and I shared a penchant for more than the occasional obstinate
arguments. We would go head-to-head about things as mundane as the doneness of
meat that he had just pulled from the grill, to the seriousness of the correct
rearing of children. Even with our apparent clashes of wills, love always
abided.
Doug was to many an alternate
parent. He opened his home to those who were in need of love, direction and
support. His leadership in the Boy Scouts, Youth Soccer, Youth Science
Institute and Rugby was evident. He opened his heart to those in these distinct
groups, but was always available to stragglers in this life who were looking
for direction. The Lowe house always
stood as a bastion of warmth and solid ground for those who needed strength,
whether they knew it or not, and Doug was the humble patriarch of this
stronghold.
This is not to say that my
father in-law did not have his human weaknesses. He loved a raunchy joke, that
I was always glad to provide, and his passion for good food and other corporal
delights might have been seen as hedonistic, but were actually Doug’s way of
truly living.
When offering me some food or
drink to sample, his eyes would light up as he would say, “See how you like this!” He was always excited to share
his earthly pleasures with others…as long as you weren’t being a “pig” or
“mining for the good stuff.”
Perhaps Doug’s love of all
that life has to offer started when he was a child.
He was born in Oakland,
California in 1940 and grew up with his younger sister Janet in Palo Alto.
Stories were always told about how he and his cousins would spend many days
playing at the family property in Walnut Creek. Their childhood innocence came
through in these accounts. The beautiful California land and sampling of fruit
from the orchards was always recounted. The tales were especially enthusiastic
when they included Doug’s cousin Jim.
It is my understanding that
these toe-headed boys were the family favorites, but also were notorious for
having to cut their own switches.
All of these stories from
Doug’s childhood have lead me to believe that he was a young connoisseur of all
delightful things.
After graduating from Palo
Alto High School, Doug attended San Jose State University and joined the Sigma
Chi Fraternity where made life long friends. The stories of his frat boy
exploits were just another example of his desire to live all aspects of his
life to the fullest.
He eventually completed his
college degree, much to his parent’s
relief, after taking a hiatus to complete Peace Corp training in New Mexico
In true form Doug treated
himself to a vacation in Mexico when he was done with his studies. On his
return, he stopped through Tucson and it was there, through a chance encounter,
he met the love of his life, Penny. They were married on Easter Sunday in 1966
and shortly there after Doug was deployed to Germany in service of the U.S.
Army during the Vietnam War.
Penny and Doug started their
married life in Germany and then moved to the Bay Area where they began their
family. First Elliot and then Rob were added to their fold. Doug was an
excellent father. He raised his sons to be solid men. Rob and Elliot are men of
dignity and faithfulness in the face of any joy or adversity.
This is truly Doug Lowe’s
legacy that I pray will influence the next generation of Lowes.
As his daughter in-law I
reflect back on Doug’s life and remember a man who was the embodiment of a soul
who wanted to imbibe in all of life’s gifts. He enjoyed his cars, horseback
riding, fishing, traveling, music, good food and drink but most of all he loved
his family and friends in the most true and essential way. I have hope that
this love and goodness of spirit will carry on to my own children and to my nieces.
In conclusion I would like to
offer a prayer by John O’Donohue for Doug and all of us who loved him:
“May you have a wonderful
urgency to live your life to the full[est].
May you love compassionately
and creatively and transfigure everything that is negative within you and about
you.
When you come to die may it
be after a long life.
May you be peaceful and happy
and in the presence of those who really care for you.
May your going be sheltered
and your welcome assured.
May your soul smile in the
embrace of your [creator].”
Amen
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| Christmas 2011 |
