Legitimate Rape on a Soapbox

Legitimate Rape on a Soapbox

I really try to not say much about politics. I attempt to take seriously the old saying of “never talk about religion or politics in polite company.” Except, I don’t follow the, “religion” part and I question the definition of, “polite” company. I will, however, state that Representative Todd Akin-R from Missouri managed to make me re-think my stance on my self-imposed political gag order. Don’t get too excited. This will not be a partisan rant accusing all members of the GOP of some form of buffoonery, ethical missteps or outright evil. I am well aware that these human faults can occur in any political camp. Rather, I want to share some instances in my life of sexual harassment that bordered on sexual assault. I would like to step on my soapbox for a few minutes to decry the outrageous amounts of sex crimes committed against women and children daily. Although, my experiences do not come close in severity to those who have suffered from what Rep. Akin calls, “legitimate rape.” I also think it is important for those of you who have not endured such victimization to become aware that these offenses not only violate people’s minds and bodies but also their souls (more on this later).

An excellent date rape mobile

The senior from the local all-boys Catholic high school peeled up on my driveway with his fully resorted and hopped up ’67 Chevy Cheville. He was ready to whisk me away to dinner and a movie and possibly some date rape. I sprang from my front door. It was the beginning of summer in 1988 and I was happy to be done with my freshman year in high school and thrilled to have a date. I was 15.

(Pause) How many of you just thought, “15! Why was she being allowed to date at 15!?!” If you didn’t think that thought or anything equally as condemning, please disregard what I am about to say. If you are passing judgment, let me ask you if you think it was justifiable for this boy to rape or attempt to rape the 15 year old me? No? Ok, let’s continue. (Yes? Please tell me so I can cut you out of my life).

After finishing the flick he drove me out to lover’s leap. The spot he actually took me to was an abandoned housing construction site in the far west valley. No homes were built yet in this would-be suburban development. Only the roads were completed and he easily found a secluded cul-de-sac. The necking began and it started off as fun and then his manner changed. Within minutes I was forcibly being pushed into the back seat over his newly recovered front bench. I resisted physically and told him to, “stop” but my pleas were not acknowledged and his passion seemed to turn to anger. At which point something inside me rose up and I pretended to relinquish control for a brief moment. Then I grabbed his head and slammed it repeatedly into his driver’s side window while clawing his face. “Stop it bitch! Stop it!” is all I can remember him saying. He drove me home and barely stopped to let me out. “Fuck you! Dick tease!” were his parting words.

I was lucky. Lucky that he didn’t have a weapon. Lucky that I was bold and knew I would not let anyone victimize me if I could prevent it. Even with all of this luck,  I would venture to say that if he had been able to rape me my reproductive system would not have, “shut down.”

Several years after that high school incident I slapped one of Rob’s fraternity brothers across the face for soliciting me for a blowjob. It obviously didn’t bother him that I was dating one of his, “bros.” I ran into him years later. He had his young daughter with him and I wondered what advise he would give her if she were ever to be pestered for oral sex at a party.

Then one night while partying in Mexico (don’t judge) my female friends and I had to fight off would be attackers. (I thought of leaving this out because there is part of me that has been culturally conditioned to think, “We were asking for it.”).

Through talking with many female friends these propositions and physical intrusions are commonplace. In fact you might be bored right now hearing about it.

When I became a professional, I really doubted that the stories of workplace sexual harassment were real. I would wonder if they were just cases of uppity, sexually repressed women trying to get attention or if they were being just plain old whiners. As I think back over the past 15 years I can’t even remember all of the instances of inappropriate talk and physical advancement I have been witness to at rehab and educational facilities.

Two instances stick out in my mind. The first was an unsolicited shoulder rub from a vice-principal while I was attempting to make copies (this sort of stuff always starts out at the copy machine). Mr. Rico Suave whispered in my ear, “You always seem so tense” followed by, “Your husband is a very lucky man.” I squirmed away and laughed nervously. I avoided him at all cost the rest of the semester.

A school leader also flung the second instance at me, but this time it was a female. I was working at a residential facility devoted to adolescent sex offenders. A snickering psychologist made me aware that I was a patient’s, “journal fantasy.” In other words, I was a “healthy” mental image of someone to beat-off to. When I approached the woman principal about my concerns she scoffed and said, “No wonder he fantasizes about you. You wear those tight shirts and you have those large nursing breasts.” No wonder, indeed.

Currently at my job I encounter numerous children every year who are either acting out or not talking at all because of sexual abuse. Speech Therapy always seems to be brought in for behavioral problems and obviously if the child is mute. The amount of victims is sickening and from what I have heard, the prevalence has actually decreased over the last 30 years because of awareness.

I just saw Deepak Chopra talk about how sexual energy is the same as spiritual energy because they are both creative energies. I think this might help to explain why sex crimes hit people’s souls. It has been documented that it is the worst kind of abuse but many current and hopeful legislatures seem to neglect this issue. I guess it is too hard for them to talk about.

I’m off my soapbox now.