Quietly Faithful

Quietly Faithful “The quietly faithful never get any press.” A Catholic Sister, on my retreat, gave these words to me earlier this summer. We had been discussing my reluctance to share my spiritual beliefs with others because of my perception that the media has created an American Christianity that is anything but what Christ would have taught.  I tirelessly lamented that I didn’t want to be associated with the, “judgmental religious types.” She listened empathically and agreed with me that the media is so skewed that she no longer watches the news and carefully chooses what she reads. She also suggested that perhaps more was going on with me than my extreme abhorrent reaction to the cultural perception that all Christianity is the same. Throughout the past several weeks, her words have continued to echo within me. I have given a lot of thought to my own Christianity and how it is played out in this world. I liked the idea of being, “quietly faithful.”  But the question remained; “what does being, ‘faithful’ mean to me?” I think I am getting closer to an answer or at least a hypothesis. In short, I believe that faithfulness can be defined as showing up. I wake up every morning and show up for my life. I show up to work. I show up to get my kids from school. I show up on vacation. I show up for lunch with a friend in the midst of life’s struggles. I show up to the party.  And, I show up for births and for deaths. Notice I didn’t say, “I show up for church,” or “I show up to pray.” This is not to say that neither of these things hold meaning for me, but rather that I would like to think of my Christian spirituality playing itself out in my mundane or not so mundane daily activities. I am determined to reclaim this aspect of my existence that has been sidetracked for several years. This is not the first time I have been derailed in my spiritual life and unfortunately I notice a pattern emerging that I need to be aware of.  Since I was very young I have been sure of God’s work in and around me. I have also, since adolescence, had a dark sense of humor, enjoyed irreverent thinking, used too many vulgarities, laughed readily and generally enjoyed earthly delights. Deep connections with the divine have unfortunately not been theologically allowed to mix with irreverent merriment. Historically, the church and church doctrine have perpetuated the thinking that those who are devoutly religious must be staid. My personality has been easy game over the years for those who fancy themselves as pious. Disapproving quips and condescending looks have been commonplace since high school. I always want to say, “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I offend you? Last time I checked God doesn’t care that I used the F-bomb.” I unfortunately have allowed these critics to insidiously infect my spirit, weighing me down with guilt and self-doubt. The religious culture of dour, excessive piety doesn’t suit me well and when I realize what has happened I am able to shed these shackles and move back into my true self. The Danielle that God created and continues to animate with the Holy Spirit that is ever present. Since my visit with that nun, I have determined that she was right. My problem was not only the media but also the weight of judgment that I had allowed to creep in yet again. So, with this realization, I will continue to show up quietly faithful to my life. The life that God has provided, where I can always sense His presence without strict dogma but certainly full of F-bombs and cackling laughter. Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; constant in prayer; Romans 12:12