God is not Homogenous.
Years ago I sat in my priest’s office and cried. I wept so
intensely that I thought I might not stop or that my body might give out before
my sorrow. When I was finally able to look up from my lap I glanced at him and
uttered, “I’m a mess.” My hot, swollen face begged him for a balm to ease my
miserable state. His expression was one of painful knowing and he simply said,
“We are all a mess.”
At the time I wondered if these words were any help at all.
I truly wanted to believe that life could be smooth, faultless, and easy. I
wanted to feel assured in the presumption that somewhere out there existed
people who were not a, “mess.” I never wanted to fully embrace the brokenness
that is. Yet, as the years have
progressed I have learned to lean into that raw reality of life.
During work meetings, I have made a practice of attempting
to feel others’ souls. This could be an attempt to avoid the monotony of
paperwork or some other avoidant measure but I would like to think that I am
working on my relationship with God through deepening my understanding of
people’s spiritual presence. One thing I have noticed is once I am able to get
past a person’s psychic baggage, personality quirks and pent-up emotional
issues what I generally experience is extreme variations. Spiritual energy it seems
is as diverse as thumbprints. Through this I have come to understand that God
is not homogenous.
I am at a loss when I hear talk of, “We are all the same in
God’s eyes.” Are we really? Perhaps those who thoughtlessly mumble these kinds
of clichés are offering a simplistic ideal of spirituality intended to quell their
own anxiety about their worthiness. In this construct, God is being seen as the
great equalizer, a type of soul blender emulsifying all of creation into a
putrid, colorless puree.
To be clear, this is not an argument for the maltreatment of
those different from us but rather a call to respect diversity fully. Giving
lip service to respecting diversity because, “deep down we are all the same,”
seems like an ideological error because in my experience we are not the same.
Yes, we are all broken and yes we are all blessed with gifts but these things
do not make us the same. True acceptance of diversity is honoring the patchwork
of souls God has presented in this world.
Thinking back to that visit to my priest I wonder why I was
dismayed by the stark realization of the messiness of humanity. Perhaps there
was fear that broken people could not truly be loved. It has taken me awhile to
love my own broken self as well as the diverse broken souls who have been
placed in my life. Ultimately, I believe this is the root of true abundance, to
practice healthy self-compassion while honoring the true soulful diversity that
is.
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