These posts are
intended to inform, educate and hopefully help others. I have found my own
sources of help that have led me to wholeness. My prayer is that other victims
may find healing and wholeness as well.
I told my two older children. I never thought it would be
possible but I told them. The words were so much easier this time. The
heaviness wasn’t present. I didn’t feel as though I might throw up. Time and
honesty had been a salve. I never thought it would be possible to utter the
truth. I never thought my own children would be the best source of healing I
could possibly wish for.
Five years had come and gone and here I was near the same
creek I had been when my thoughts were swimming with dismay. At the time I had wondered how I could end up
being a seemingly successful professional and mother with such a dark secret. The
pain of the truth burned in me. I didn’t feel I had a safe place to share my
experience. I was so afraid. I was sure my abuser was right when he said, “I
know you wouldn’t want anyone to think badly of you...”
I actually never thought I would declare myself to be a
sexual abuse/incest survivor. I really wanted it to go away. I didn’t want it
to be true. I didn’t want to be broken. I had worked so hard to escape my
childhood. I had fought so hard against my past. Yet, I sat in my priest’s
office. Rigid. Fearful. I finally broke loose with the truth. Anger to protect
me. Fuck him if he thinks badly of me!
Only sadness came; sadness for that little girl who didn’t
know better, sadness for the adult woman who wanted so badly to be loved and accepted.
The love and acceptance came from my children.
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