Day 13: Dublin to Knockree

Day 13: Dublin to Knockree

The walk began as it did three years ago. We assembled in Marley Park on the south side of Dublin. Seven of us walking this time; three of us the same as last. Pictures were taken and blessings made: The same as last time. But this was nothing like the first time for me, not internally anyway. 

Over the last three years, my experience of my initial pilgrimage has worked to shape me in ways I couldn't have expected and I continue to have a difficult time describing. The 2014 walk came at a time in my life when I was just starting to taste the results of my spiritual, emotional and mental work. I could feel that my efforts were starting to net transformation but I was still in the throws of what some call the, "alchemist's fire." Waiting to feel golden while hoping to not be consumed by the flames. 

On the first walk I was irritated the morning we started and wondered why I had agreed to go along. I really thought I'd made a mistake. I wanted to be home with Rob and the kids and not off on a 100 mile walk through the hills of Ireland with the potential of getting wet, cold and possibly more irritated. I was determined to live through my mistake and do what I could with my decision. 

When the last hike was over, I truly didn't know what hit me. I felt the bottom had been pulled out from under me but wasn't sure what the bottom was. In those months after our return from pilgrimage I struggled to make sense of the mix of pride at finishing such a long walk, anger at what I still thought might have been a mistake and sense of emptiness and disappointment. Yet amongst these feelings I sensed that something was coming together within my soul. A feeling of okay-ness, of potential for a richer life and glimpses of what being more integrated might look like started taking hold. 

The work continued and for the past two years during my spiritual direction training program I felt that this glimpse of transformation was coming into full view. Today, I could see, feel and sense the effects of the pilgrimage process. I was happy to start the walk this time and I don't think I have made a mistake, well not yet anyway. The 12 miles today went quickly and I'm interested to see what tomorrow brings.